NYC vs. LA

If you’re one of my Boston readers, please read below. Otherwise, you can just skip ahead.

I grew up in the suburbs in Massachusetts. I love most things Boston: the Red Sox, the Patriots, the Celtics, Big Papi, The Big 3, Tom Brady, the Boston Marathon, Patriot’s Day, Friendly’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, Legal Seafood, Eagles Deli, wicked awesome sandwiches from Kelly’s Roast Beef, New England Clam Chowder, Boston Commons, the Boston Globe sports page, WSBK, getting drunk on Bolyston Street, walking through Landsdowne Street (especially before a Sox game), Davis Square, Harvard Square, and of course Good Will Hunting. (Some of these places are just outside of Boston, but I’m gonna count them anyway.)


But I’m the first to admit, that although I love Boston and still call it my true home, there’s a reason that I haven’t lived there for ten years. I’ll always wear my Sox hat and be loyal to my roots, but I have moved on.  And since my experiences as an adult in Boston are limited, I’ve decided to respectfully push it to the side for this column. I hope my Boston readers understand and don’t think I’ve betrayed them. Go Sox! Go Celtics! Go Patriots! Go Boston! Now let’s get to it.

For the last decade, I spent five years in Los Angeles and five years in New York City. From 22-27, I was all over Hollywood. And from 27-32 I ruled (well…lived in) the East Village. 

I always like to say that if a giant stepped on NYC, and everything just scattered, it would look and feel like Los Angeles.

Both of these cities stand out because of their size, population, excitement, opportunity, diversity, glitz, and glamour. Millions visit every year hoping to see the action up close and get involved just for a little bit.

Everyone whose ever lived in NYC and LA has been asked this question at least once:

Some people prefer the grit and fast pace of NYC while others prefer the laid back, spread out lifestyle of LA. I happened to enjoy both.

I’m here to break down every itty-bitty little detail. Some of the categories will include: Hottest Women, The Hook Up Scene, The Dating Scene, Night Life, Transportation, Pick-up Basketball, Food, Music, Professional Sports Teams, College Sports Teams, Sports Fans, The Entertainment Industry, Celebrity Sightings, Cost of Living, Quality of Life, Road Trips, etc.

It’s obvious that my analysis will be biased because of the following variables: personal experience, age, proximity to friends, job, income, dating situation, etc.

Unfortunately, I can’t go back in time and live in NYC from 22-27 and LA from 27-32. If I could, this analysis would be spot on perfect (and I would be in possession of a time machine which would be awesome.)

So instead, I’ll pull from my personal experiences to answer once and for all:

It has to be noted that there’s not as many hot women in general as you might think. Hot women are very deceptive; they tend to stick together thus making it appear that there’s more of them. Whether they’re in clubs, at beaches, or at malls, they’re generally in a group. In a way, they remind me of the Jewish people. There’s really not a lot of us (13 million total or .02% of the population.) But since we hang out in all of the same places, we appear to have a larger population.

If you find one hot woman or Jew (or if you’re really lucky a hot Jewish woman), then you’re probably gonna find a lot more. And NYC and LA are perfect places to find them.

The answer has to be LA, right? The question is trickier then you might think. Let’s take a look:

I’ll never forget the first time I heard a friend rate a girl using the expression: “She was a West Coast 6; an East Coast 8. In other words, the same woman who would be cute in LA would be considered hot in New York.

#1 LOW SELF-ESTEEM: For many of these women, their look is all they have. They don’t have a solid education, a real job, or any real direction. As a result, they concentrate on their physicality. They go on diets, work out, get fake boobs, get tan. They look in the mirror and feel good about themselves. Then they go out, and guys like me, pathetically stare at them.

#2 THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY: Many aspiring actresses in the entertainment industry fall into the low-self esteem category. Those who don’t are still required to look a certain way to get their job. For most lines of work, an employer isn’t going to judge you by the way you look. In the entertainment world, it’s the complete opposite. These women need to remain hot in order to succeed.

#3 THE PORN INDUSTRY: Los Angeles (specifically the Valley) ((even more specifically Chatsworth)) is where porn is born. Most pornstars live in the area because it’s quiet, mellow, and people let them screw in peace. These women are fake, fit, tan, and willing to do almost anything on camera. When they’re not gyrating, they’re at the supermarkets, the gyms, and the malls just like everyone else. You’re not gonna marry them, but they’re definitely gonna catch your eye and make you say: “Holy shit! Did you see those huge…?

#4 THE PLAYBOY MANSION: It’s located in a mysterious location somewhere in LA (Westwood to be exact.) Playboy bunnies frolic there. Enough said!

#5 WEATHER: Since it’s warm nearly every day of the year, women can show off their assets on a consistent basis. There is no winter hibernation like in NYC where you won’t see female skin for months at a time. Women are constantly bouncing around in tank tops and skirts. And since its sunny, they’re usually tan. And since it’s nice everyday, they can exercise outside allowing them to stay fit.

#1 VARIETY: New York City prides itself in its diversity. There is a distinct mix of hot women parading around town. It’s not just the bleached blonde with fake boobs. In one scene you may see a sophisticated hot woman, an exotic hot woman, a skanky hot woman, and a conservative hot woman. There’s a whole mix to choose from.

#2 DIRECTION: Most hot women in NYC actually have direction. Therefore, they have brains, jobs, and goals. This does not change their physical look, but it definitely makes them way hotter. Instead of these women being aspiring actresses, they are bankers, lawyers, doctors, teachers, and of course some aspiring actresses.

#3 MONEY: A fair amount of hot women that live in NYC have money. They’ve either earned it, inherited it, or a rich boyfriend/husband gives it to them. As a result these women walk around in top of the line clothes and breathe an heir of hotness.

If it’s purely by the physical look, LA is the winner (and Miami would probably be 2^nd.) The meat packing district in NYC certainly holds its own, but I still give the edge to LaLaLand. I’ve had my head turned in LA more times then anywhere in the world (except for maybe Brazil.) The amount of times I’ve elbowed my friend, or he’s elbowed me, to command: “Look at her…Wow!” is infinitely higher then anywhere else. At some point, it just becomes unfair…a tease…having to see all these beautiful women and know none of them will ever get with you.

Mikey from Swingers puts it best: “It’s like the hottest one percent from around the world migrate to [the LA] gene pool.” His buddy responds: “Darwinism at its best.”

If HOTNESS is defined by a combination of looks and personality, NYC is the clear winner. When I get the nerve to talk to a hot girl, and she is also intelligent and witty, I am at her surrender. She is a Goddess. In LA, the conversation usually ended after I described my car or told her I was an aspiring writer. But in NYC, the hot women can actually keep up with me, understand my Seinfeld references, and even surpass me intellectually. Now, that’s hot.

I’m gonna cheat and give both cities a nod.

I am no expert in this category no matter what city I’ve lived in. I would consider myself the cute, nice guy with above average social skills and a decent sense of humor.

I am by no means a player although I secretly always wanted to be one. Unfortunately, my ethics and morals (and lack of game) have prevented me from having an abundance of hook-up stories.

I have had a few late night romantic encounters. And I’ve had at least a 2-3 year window of being single in each city. As a result, every time I went out, like most males, I tried to hook up. Usually, I failed miserably.

I’ve been given the eye roll, the fuck off, the walk-away, the turning of the back, the “thanks for the free drink, now I have to find my friends” speech, and the “sorry, but I only talk to guys I’m attracted to” line. In terms of rejection lines, and women making me feel bad, NYC and LA are a complete tie.

In terms of the hook up scene…

Hooking up in LA is not easy. The people who say it is are usually very good looking or have a sweet job in the entertainment industry. First off, it’s really hard to meet women because they’re scattered all over the place.

Since LA is so big, it’s hard to pin point where to go. If you end up at Barney’s Beanery, for instance, that’s where you’re going to be for the night. The women there will be your only options. Maybe you meet a great girl, but if you don’t, you’re screwed because you are basically stuck there.

If you decide to leave, your mostly likely gonna hop back into a car, drive around for a while, and hope to find a parking spot. Once you get to the next place, you’ll have a very short period of time to make your moves.

And that brings us to closing time. Bars close at 2am and last call is usually at 1:30. That gives you a small window to meet a girl, charm her, convince her to like you, and somehow bring her back to your place.

And let’s say she’s in. The assumption is that you’re both probably drunk. So who’s gonna drive? (Hopefully, neither of you.) Is your apartment actually within walking distance? Probably not. Will you take a cab…do they even exist in LA? (They do exist but you would need to call and have them pick you up. Then you need to maintain the momentum with the girl for at least 15 minutes while you wait for the taxi; always a tough task.)

Meanwhile, the girl who is interested has a group of friends awaiting her decision. And one of them is always sober. She’s the designated driver aka the cock blocker. She’s seeing straight, is on to your game, and is advising her friend to stay away from you. She’ll even call you on it while she’s cock blocking: “You don’t care about my friend. You just wanna hook up with her and probably never speak to her again.”

So now the guy has to charm the cock blocker as well. She immediately doesn’t like you because she’s bitter about being sober and wishes guys were hitting on her instead. Even if you convince her to stop blocking cock, you’re back to the dilemma: how do I take my girl home with me?

If you figure out a solution, you’re a smarter man than me. I was more of a phone number guy, but that would bring us to DATING, which is a whole ‘nother ball of wax.

Hooking up in LA is just hard!

Judge if you will, but hooking up NYC, was a breath of fresh air to me. I had more casual romances in one year there, then I did my entire time in LA.

The NYC hook-up scene is wide open and even a nice guy like me could take advantage.

The proximity of bars allows the man to wander in and out to dozens of places in one night. You don’t like the girls at Gallery Bar, then just head on over to Piano’s. That’s not looking good, then take a quick taxi ride, and you’re at The Crocodile Lounge (If you strike out there at least you can enjoy the skee-ball and free pizza.) There’s an endless supply of bars, lounges, clubs and therefore, women all over the city.

The bars are open until 4 am and sometimes later. This gives you so much more time to work your game. Some call the end of the night, the 4^th quarter. That’s usually when men and women pair up and find each other. In NYC, there’s a 4^th quarter and then there’s like 4 overtimes. That gives you so many more opportunities to find a girl.

There are two other HUGE factors why hooking up in NYC is so much easier then LA: alcohol and transportation.

Once the sun goes down, everyone starts drinking. By midnight, there are so many drunk people that it’s inevitable that there’s gonna be some random hooking up. And since hardly anyone has to drive, everyone is free to consume as much as possible.

As a result, there are very few cock blockers because they’re drunk as well. Once you meet a girl, it’s easy to hop in a taxi, and head to someone’s apartment. It’s like the city was designed specifically for hooking up.

The debate will continue soon because there’s so much more to cover. Look for further LA versus NYC columns in the near future. And feel free to add/comment about your own experiences and help answer the question:

Which city is better: NYC or LA?