Liturgical Fouls

Have you ever fantasized about throwing a bright yellow penalty flag into the aisle when the priest wears the wrong liturgical color or the organist plays the opening hymn at the speed of a sick tortoise? Probably not. But with the convergence of the start of football season, the church “program year,” and the labor dispute between the NFL and their referees, I saw an opportunity to bring this all together in a blog post. (Bear with me — it’s how my mind works).

To assist you in exercising your God-given (literally) right to good liturgy, I’m offering my guide to liturgical fouls. I urge you to use this empowerment of the laity (and cranky visiting clergy) wisely and with discretion. I’ll soon make the penalty flags available on my website for a mere $49.99.

Illegal Procession (out of order)

Heretical Trinitarian Theology

Deacon on Wrong Side of Celebrant

Unseemly use of Liturgical Dance (resembling Chicken Dance)

Happy Clappy Worship

Sermon Over 15 Minutes

Overly Enthusiastic Peace

Illegal Use of the Orans Position