Cursing God

Men shall clap their hands at him, and shall hiss him out of his place.

Job 27:23

I was going to begin this with “Only in a Godless universe could Chuck Norris thrive,” but of course that’s not true. Perhaps there is a God like YHWH who has made another cynical bet with one of his drinking buddies that a nation claiming to be godly and “under God” and to be possessed of divine virtue and guidance and “values” would reject evil counsel. If so, my money is on the Paraclete and not on that religious-right parrot Norris.

In a  video released this weekend, Chucky Cheesus, with his wig on his head and his wife by his side and looking like a talking armpit, told those foolish enough to watch him that:

Yes, things like taking care of the old and infirm and helpless children will certainly do that or daring to tax people like Prince Romulus and his Court Jester Ryan as much as we tax my gardener. If we dare not reject the African/Indonesian-born Antichrist and his evil plan to salvage democracy from God’s own Ecclesiastical Christian Feudalism. Indeed, as the nitwit Norris claims, the only reason the Evil Obama was elected is that God’s own martial artists stayed home, doubtless rolling and gibbering on the floor licking rattlesnakes instead of following the Idiot’s Crusade down to their holy polling place to elect a hypocrite whore of a candidate who couldn’t remember his own address but was able to parrot anything the billionaire electors and pious pimps of God told him to do to gain high office and like Pilatus serve the needs of empire.

Yes sir, if the vicious Roman occupation of Judea had had state managed health insurance, Mary would have aborted Jesus for sure, said the martial arts messiah, his capped teeth clapping together through his crotch-like facial hair. But not, of course, if the Romans had used the nearly identical Romney version. If this makes your head spin, you must be some kind of heretic who has forgotten the mysterious ways of God. Have you forgotten that the more something stinks of bullshit and deceit, the more redolent is it of sanctity?

Yes sir, we’re in for “a thousand years of darkness,” says Norris’ familiar, Gena, quoting the Great Buffoonicator St. Ronnie the Reagan, praised be his name — even though Reagan, blessed be his memory, raised the evil taxes most high and may have cut a deal with the Ayatollah and facilitated the rape and murder of nuns and other innocents. A thousand years, even though Obama the Unclean hath not done these things nor banned he any sacred guns as did Bush the Elder. It’s not the facts that damn the Evil Obama, it’s the “policies” we tell you about in our moronic maledictions but never mention specifically, lest truth intrude.

A thousand years of darkness, perhaps much like the darkness pre-Enlightenment Christian world enjoyed in Europe under the domination of the Church and all its pomps. 

A thousand years of darkness after those Democrats “enshrine Islamic moral codes into U.S. law” and turn the Boy Scouts gay.

Sure, there could be a God. He could be hardening the hearts and forcing the stupidity of these pusillanimous Pharaonic pretenders in order to destroy them, but I suggest that we don’t wait for waters to part or for manna from heaven nor should we wait for 40 years to get to the polls. By all means let’s not wait for that thousand-year Reich Norris dreams of. These people are evil and if you don’t like such crapulous, worn, and loaded usage, let’s just call them dishonest, deluded, and  demonstrably dumb. When you hear them talk about God, know they’re talking about a different entity than you might expect and that the praise of God, in their mouths, is a curse.

(Cross-posted from Human Voices.)