Top 10 Reasons Not to be Jesus’ Wife

Unless you’ve been hiding under an altar, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the latest faith-based kerfuffle: the notion that Jesus had a wife. The alleged evidence is based on a papyrus fragment of a Coptic text released by a Harvard professor in which Jesus refers to “my wife.” Many scholars are now calling it a modern forgery or a fake.

Unless you’re Dan Brown, it all seems like much ado about nothing. The odds that Jesus had a wife are remote at best and ultitmately it doesn’t change anything. Married or not, Jesus is still the Savior.

Nonetheless, it’s fun to imagine what Mrs. Jesus would have had to endure. Thus, here are…

The Top Ten Reasons Not to Be Jesus’ Wife

1. It’s hard to take the Lord’s name in vain when he’s standing in the kitchen.

2. When arguing, he always turns the other cheek. So aggravating!

3. Passing the salt at the dinner table gets you a lecture about what happens when salt loses its saltiness.

4. Twelve guys always hanging around makes intimate moments impossible.

5. Having to endure people singing “Joy to the World” on his birthday gets old.

6. Being called “Mrs. Christ” is irritating. “How many times do I have to tell you, that’s not our last name!”

7. Awkard encounters with Pilate’s wife at the next pilates class.

8. Your mother-in-law is perfect. “Do you have any idea how much pressure that puts on me at Thanksgiving?”

9. Even though it’s all innocent, it’s tough when your husband is always laying hands on other people.

10. It’s tough to live with someone who’s nursing a major Messiah-Complex.